One Day in Role Playing Harry Potter Land
by DragonMaiden
Summary: A short play with me as a female Voldemort, my friend as my inept servant, with Sirius Black and Snape thrown in. We order each other around, sic Siri/Sevvy on each other, and try to curse each other's legs off. Read if you want a good laugh...


This was an IM session between my best-buddy Alarun and me that we changed into play form.  It is incredibly weird and mostly a result of our deranged, sugarcoated brains with too much exposure to the Harry Potter world.  My name is Cymbeline in this, and Max is Al's brown female dog.  Do you really think we need a disclaimer???  Oh well.  Enjoy, and good reading to you.

~*~

Alarun: She hath returned!

**All bow before Cym**

Alarun: **_Kisses hem of Deatheater robes_**

Cymbeline: Ha ha!

Cymbeline: How 'bout a round of Code Red Mountain Dew?

Alarun: Ooh, yes master, yes master.  Don't Cruciatus me; I've got some...

Alarun: **_hands Cym a can of Dew_**

Cymbeline: Thankee

Cymbeline: Now go forth and find Sirius Black, and bring him to me!

Alarun: **_Apparates away_**

Cymbeline: **_Reclines in Al's vibrating couch and sets the vibrate speed_**

Alarun: **_Returns carrying Snape_**_._ I have found him, Master!

Cymbeline: No!  Not Master Snape!  You can keep him.  Sirius Black!  Look for a big black doggie.  That's probably him.

Alarun: **_Whistles and screams; "MAAAX!"_**

Cymbeline: No, not Max!  BLACK doggie!  Black, not brown!

Alarun: **_Runs to find black paint_**

Cymbeline: No, not paint!

Cymbeline: Just throw out a steak, and he'll come.  He's really skinny; he's been in Azkaban and hasn't eaten in a while.

Alarun: **_Proceeds to paint Max black_**

Alarun: I found Snuffles, master!

Cymbeline: Run, Max, run!

Cymbeline: Here... **_holds out one of Sirius's old smelly socks_**Sniff this Max, and go forth and find him!  I will deal with my inept servant.

Alarun: EEEEEEEK!  **_Runs away screaming, dragging Snape_**

Cymbeline: Come back here, inept servant!  I must deal with you!

Alarun: Snape!  Save me! 

Cymbeline: Uhm... hang on a sec... **_Checks Book 4 for controlling curse..._**

**Snape looks at Cym and says: **"Imperio!"****

Cymbeline: **_Screams at Snape at the same time_**. INCOGNITO!  Wait, IMPERIO!

Alarun: Ha ha, Snape wins!

Cymbeline: Nuh uh! **_Points to Snape again_** CRUCIO! 

**_Snape falls to the ground, twitching in pain before Max lies down on him and falls asleep_**

Cymbeline: Heh heh, I am unbeatable!  INVINCIBLE!  HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Alarun: **_Starts crying hysterically, throwing herself over Snape and throwing rocks at Cym_**

Cymbeline: OW! OW!  STOPPIT! **_Ducks behind the chair and starts to cry._** Is this how you treat the most powerful wizardess in the world?? **_Sobs_**

Alarun: **_sics Max on Cym until she stops Snape's Crucio curse_**

Cymbeline: **_Stops CRUCIO... Snape gets up; his lip trembling and his eyes looking like Bambi's… _**

Cymbeline: Aw, Snapey, I forgive you.

Alarun: **_Keeps throwing rocks till Cym apologizes_**

Cymbeline: SORRY SORRY!

Alarun: **_Grins_**

Cymbeline: **_Pats Snapey on the back and sends him away_**_._  So... where were we, faithful servant?

Alarun: DON'T TOUCH MY MAN!  ATTACK!

Cymbeline: AAAGHHHH!  HEY!  WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?  **_Ducks behind chair again._**

Alarun: Avada Kedavra!!!!!!!!!!

Cymbeline: Waddiwasi!

**Wands connect**

Alarun: Cruci-Cruci-Crucio!!!

Cymbeline: Hey, we have sister wands!

Alarun: Uh oh

Cymbeline: C'mere, sister!

Alarun: Snape has mercury in his; I'll use that one.

Cymbeline: AGH!

Alarun: CRUCIO!

Cymbeline: Heeeee-eeee----eeeeelp!

Cymbeline: Ow!  No more, no more!

Alarun: You TOUCHED him!

Cymbeline: **_Reaches for wand_**__

Alarun: **_Kicks a mangy black dog that jumps in her way_**__

Cymbeline: FREEZIO! **_Stops to think..._** Yeah, that'll work.

Cymbeline: SIRIUS!!!!!!

**Mangy black dog tries to mount Max**

Cymbeline: S; LDFKHJSDF'; LKJS'LGKJSFDLKGJFDLKFDA; LKJ; LKFJABOPIUB DAKJR; LKJ;OI I; AEJXDI!

Cymbeline: NooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cymbeline: FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN, GET OFF!  HEEL!  HEEL!  BAD BOY!

Alarun: ROTGL!!!!!!!

Cymbeline: Eeeeeewwwww… Sirius, how could you?

**_Max and Mangy get in dog fight_**

**_Max is starting to win!_**

Cymbeline: **_rooooowlggghrrfgggrrrrrr_**

**_Mangy pins down Max... wait, that isn't right..._**__

Alarun: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Mangy bites Max... wait, that isn't right either...

Alarun: LOL!

**Mangy humps Max**

Cymbeline: MANGY!  COME HERE!  BAD DOG!  **_Kicks Mangy_**

**_Snape kicks Mangy_**

**_Snape kicks Cym_**

**_Cym kicks Snape_**

Cymbeline: Ow!

Alarun: Ow!

Cymbeline: SIC 'IM, MANGY!

**_Snape gives Annie death glare_**

**_Mangy jumps on Snape_**

**_Snape shrieks_**

**_Cym glares back at Snape_**

**_Alarun attacks Cym_**__

Cymbeline: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! 

**Cym attacks Alarun**

Cymbeline: HIYYYYYYYA!

**Hair pulling ensues**

Alarun: JUDO CHOP!

Cymbeline: FLYING NOODLE KICK!

**_Alarun falls to the ground_**

**_Cym stands triumphant_**__

Cymbeline: Har har!

Alarun: **_Realizes that she's the goddess of Doritos and Jelly beans, and zaps Cym with sugar_**

Cymbeline: **_Realizes that she's the most powerful wizardess in the world, and sics her Deatheaters on Alarun_**

**Snape calls Rayden, and Rayden zaps Mangy in the tail**

**_Mangy howls, and kicks Max_**

**_Max screams and bites Cym_**

**_Cym screams and bites Max_**

**_Max screams and bites Alarun_**

Alarun: Wait a minute...

**Alarun screams and bites Snape**

**_Mangy applauds Max_**

**_Cym applauds Alarun_**

**_Snape screams and curses Cym with the Hopalong curse, and she can only hop on one foot from now on_**

Cymbeline: Aw, darnit

Cymbeline: **_Curses one of Snape's legs off, so he can only hop on one leg from now on too_**

Alarun: **_Offers to be Snape's other leg_**

Cymbeline: **_Uses Max for her other leg_**

Cymbeline: Thazzbetter

Alarun: **_Accidentally snaps her wand in half, trying to be Snape's leg_**

Snape swears 

Cymbeline: Heh heh

Snape falls over 

Cymbeline**_: Cym speaks_** So... if you want to be the most powerful wizardess in the world, you'll have to duel with me first! **_To Sirius_** Sirius!  Resume your human form!

Sirius turns human 

**_Sirius runs up and he and Snape start making out_**

Alarun: **_Asks to get in on this_**

**_"Oh... oh yeah, Snapey... that's right... oh... oh yeah..."_**

Sirius says that, to Cym's dismay 

Cymbeline: Ew

Sirius and Snape continue making out, while Cym and Alarun watch helplessly

Alarun: **_Starts humping Snape's leg_**

**_A disgusting picture is conjured in Cym's mind_**

**_Sirius breaks loose from Snape and notices Cym_**

Cymbeline: SIRIUS!  COME TO ME!

Sirius starts making out with Alarun 

Cymbeline: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You touched my Siri!  You must pay the ultimate price!  AVADA KEDAVRA!

Alarun: Uh oh....

**_Rayden and Snape avenge the death of martyr Alarun_**

**_Sirius carries Cym away to Hogwarts_****__**


End file.
